


What We Owe to Each Other

by elioliver



Category: A Gift Upon the Shore - M.K. Wren
Genre: Age Difference, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Post-Apocalypse, Romance, These two women are so obviously queer and they deserve to show it, Why has no one written about this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22798360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elioliver/pseuds/elioliver
Summary: When Luke arrives at Amarna, Mary must decide between her biological imperative and the love of her life.
Relationships: Mary Hope/Rachel Morrow
Kudos: 1





	What We Owe to Each Other

Mary Hope stared out at the black waves and shivered. Night had fallen hours ago, but she couldn’t sleep. She could only think about Luke, asleep in the basement, and Rachel, who was surely awake and reading by candlelight in her own room. For so long, she had hoped that she would see another person again, but she had never considered what would happen afterwards. Rachel’s voice continued humming in the back of her mind.

“After all,” Rachel had said. “He’s a man in the prime of life, and you’re a woman in the prime of life.”

She hadn’t known what to say. She never expected Rachel, whom she loved so dearly, to suggest something like that. Mary had wanted children when she was younger, but now that the Earth was made over anew, and all of the civilization she’d come to love was gone, the idea of bringing a child into this world filled her with unease. And then there was the act of conceiving, something she’d only thought about in the clinical sense ever since the End. Would the cats be able to mate; could Shadow have another pup before she was too old. She hadn’t considered men. She certainly hadn’t considered having sex with one of them. Yet, there she was: waking early to bathe and plait her hair. Thinking constantly of her cycle, which before had only been an annoyance. She didn’t know what had come over her.

“I think he’ll stay for a while,” Rachel had told her before she retired to her room. “Unless he’s taken a vow of celibacy.”

Mary supposed she deserved that remark, but it still stung. She’d caught Rachel’s wrist in her hand and squeezed. “Do you really think it’s so simple for me?” Mary asked. She didn’t know what she was asking, really. For an explanation, for forgiveness, for permission. Rachel’s eyes softened, and she sighed. “My Mary. Of course it isn’t,” Rachel said. “But I’ve seen the way that you look at him.”

Mary was thankful Rachel didn’t finish her thought. She knew her well enough to realize what was implied.  _ You’ve never looked at me that way. _ It was probably true. But her relationship with Rachel was different on a cellular level, formed and bonded in a dark basement over two weeks when death seemed inevitable. She fell in love with Rachel never knowing if they would live to survive the Long Winter. She fell in love with Rachel by looking at her in the candlelight when they were afraid that the Blind Summer would take even that simple pleasure away from them. She fell in love with Rachel out of necessity and out of hope and gratitude and attraction. She looked at Rachel as a lover, a friend, a sister, a guardian. She looked at Luke with awe and wonder because she had thought, really and truly, that he might be the last of his kind.

So no, Mary realized, she hadn’t looked at Rachel that way. But Rachel had never really been new. She’d always been familiar and safe and reassuring, even in the first moment that they met. Mary owed Rachel her life many times over. But it was more than gratitude. Mary never believed in soulmates, but she knew there was no one left in this world who would work as well with her as Rachel. There was no one left this driven, this intellectual, this kind and loving. Even if there was someone left out there, it was not Luke.

Mary stood from her place on the low steps of the back deck and stretched. She could still see the faint glow of candlelight emanating from Rachel’s window. Aggie rose with her and trotted inside. It was only ten paces before Mary found herself in the doorway of Rachel’s room. Rachel laid her book aside and propped herself further up in the bed. 

“I can’t believe you’re still awake,” Rachel said.

“I could say the same thing to you,” Mary replied, sitting down at the foot of the bed she’d come to know well. 

“You could say it, but you’d only be lying.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Mary reached out and placed her fingers between Rachel’s. They looked at each other until Rachel's expression became sharp with realization. “Mary,” she said, her eyes weary. “Mary, my greatest fear is that you won’t do what you’re meant to because I've made you feel guilty. I never want you to feel that you owe me anything.”

Mary slid closer and clutched Rachel’s hand. “I do owe you everything,” she said. “I owe you everything, and I don’t want it any other way. If you and I don’t have each other, we have nothing at all. I love you. Rachel, I love you.”

Rachel bent forward and pressed her lips to Mary’s forehead, to her cheeks, to her neck. To her lips. “I love you Mary Hope,” Rachel murmured, her lips moving against the younger woman’s collarbone. “I owe you everything.”


End file.
